2nd Annual High Country Holiday Throwdown

Dear Friends,

Just to show that we completely lack any semblance of consistency, we are giving you actual advance notice of an upcoming show.  This may come as a surprise, since no one has ever accused us of being advanced.

Anyway, we are playing a short set at the Saloon of Boone, otherwise known as the Boone Saloon, on December 14th, 2012.

This here show is actually a large benefit production called the 2nd Annual High Country Holiday Throwdown featuring several bands, including Pot Luck, Soul Benefactor & Friends, The Brown-Eyed Handsome Band, us, and more. The cover will be $5, which will go to local charities and Hurricane Sandy relief efforts.  No part of the money will be used to pay for Gangnam-style dance lessons for our rhythm section, like last time.

Given the number of bands playing, the show starts EARLY, and we are slated to go on first, at 9:00 PM (!)

Please go to the Facebook event page here:
http://www.facebook.com/events/136880136459722/ for more details and to invite your friends.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws

The Worthless Son-in-Laws at the Jones House and Boone Saloon, Friday, July 6th, 2012

Ladies and Gents,

The Worthless Son-in-Laws will be performing this afternoon as part of the Jones House Concerts on the Lawns series.  The concert starts at 5:00 PM with cowboy poet Keith Ward.  Then we go on at 5:30.  There will be a reception thing at 6:30, and local band Potluck will play at 7:30. The whole deal is free to an unsuspecting public. Management suggests you bring chairs or blankets to sit on rather than stealing these items from tourists.  Remember, many of these people are packing. And they have lawyers.

Later on this evening, at the Boone Saloon, we will be joining several bands at Brewer’s 5th Annual Big Badass Birthday Benefit Bonanza.  Cover is only $5, and proceeds go to various local charities (not including us). Come watch our esteemed drummer Dave Brewer age right before your eyes.  We are to go on promptly at 10:00 PM.  Hopefully this will be BEFORE Dave shaves off one of his mutton-chops.

We’d love to see you at either or both events.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws

P.S. Invite your Facebook friends here and here.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws at Galileo’s Tonight (Tues, April 24, 2012) w/Folk and Dagger, Corporate Fandango

Dear Friends,

In an attempt to pay off just a smidgen of our huge karmic debt, we like to perform for a good cause every now and then.  We will be playing at Galileo’s this evening (Tuesday, April 24th) with our friends Folk and Dagger and Corporate Fandango at a benefit put on by Psi Chi at ASU.

It will be cheap to get in($3), and proceeds from the door and from raffle tickets ($2 each) will go to the Western Youth Network, so you can feel good about helping your community and have a good time at the same time (you Ayn Rand types can focus on trying to win a prize for yourself and having a good time at the same time). Some of you can have a good time just being psychology nerds–you know who you are.

Things start happening around 8 PM, and more info is here: http://www.facebook.com/events/289187544492002/
We are set to play at 9-ish. Please invite your friends.

Hope to see you tonight!

The Worthless Son-in-Laws

The Worthless Son-in-Laws and the Major Sevens at the Boone Saloon, Saturday, January 28, 2012

Dear Friends,

Now that the holidays are pretty much over (well, for most folks–I did see not one, but two, different vehicles this week with wreaths still attached to their front bumpers), and even though the days are getting longer, and even though the temperatures have been about 10 degrees above normal, we are entering the full-on winter doldrums.  (We always try to look on the bright side.)

Fortunately, there is a remedy: setting and achieving personal goals, providing you with a sense of accomplishment, which in turn provides you with a boost of confidence, which in turn makes you more attractive to those around you, most of whom will be wondering: ‘why is that dude/tte smiling during this faculty meeting? S/he doesn’t even have headphones on!’

Well, see, New Year’s Eve is gone, but you still need to honor your New Year’s resolutions to get out more, and the Worthless Son-in-Laws are happy to help you get out by playing a show this Saturday, January 28th, at the Boone Saloon.  You should also be able to kill two birds with one stone by concurrently fulfilling one of your other resolutions (the one about drinking more beer).  We will be splitting the bill with up-and-coming local favorites the Major Sevens.

If you also made resolutions about playing more pool, eating more seasoned fries, trying to watch more sports in rock bars, or just doing more smiling and nodding while pretending you just heard what your friend said, we’ve got you covered for that, too!  And that one about exercising more?  Even if you only dance during the slow songs, we’ll let you count it as your exercise for the day.  O.k, the week, then.

Mr. Dave Brewer of Possum Jenkins fame will be manning the drums.  (By the way, Possum Jenkins have just released an excellent new album called Carolinacana, which you should definitely check out–see possumjenkinsband.com.)

It is most likely that we will play first, around 10:30 or so, and that the Major Sevens will play after us.  Please tell your friends, invite your friends, and beg your friends to come.  It will make them feel loved.

Hope to see you there.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws

P.S. You can help us spread the word about this show (and decorate your office/hallway/home/truck/yurt) by printing out and putting up a poster you can download here. (Do not print this poster if you have giraffobia.)

Facebook: www.facebook.com/pages/The-Worthless-Son-in-Laws/7374025901
Facebook event page for this show: http://www.facebook.com/events/232496940166903/
Twitter (seriously): twitter.com/soninlaws

Happy Holidays from the Worthless Son-in-Laws

Dear Friends,

We would like to take this opportunity to wish you all the happiest of holidays and an extra-fine new year.

Just to prove that even a bunch of Scroogey heathens like us can have some Christmas spirit, we have recorded a little carol available (free) here:  http://www.soninlaws.com/free/Angels%20We%20Have%20Heard–Worthless%20Son-in-Laws.mp3

Have fun and be safe.


The Worthless Son-in-Laws


The Worthless Son-in-Laws at Galileo’s tonight, Sunday, Dec 4th–early show–High Country Holiday Throwdown

Dear friends,

A quick last-minute notice to let you know of a really cool musical event happening this evening (Sunday, Dec. 4th) at Galileo’s called the High Country Holiday Throwdown.  This is a family-friendly event benefitting local charities organized by our friend and de facto drummer David Brewer with a slew of fine musicians.  The Worthless Son-in-Laws will also play.

The event happens from 5:00 – 9:00 PM. We will play a short set starting around 7:15.  Donations of money and canned goods are appreciated.  Donations of those extra cans of jellied cranberry sauce from Thanksgiving 2009 will merely be tolerated.  Galileo’s will be serving tasty food and drinks, as usual.

More info at http://www.facebook.com/events/228385943897185/

Hope to see you there,

The Worthless Son-in-Laws

The Worthless Son-in-Laws at the Boone Saloon Wednesday, Sept 28, 2011–Scherlen Fundraiser

Hey, Everybody,

Let’s talk politics for a minute.

If anyone is still reading this, we’d like to let you know that the Worthless Son-in-Laws are playing at the Boone Saloon this Wednesday, September 28th, 2011, at various points between 7:00 and 10:00 PM (i.e, early!).  What does that have to do with politics, you ask?  Well, as it happens, our friend Mr. Allan Scherlen is running for Boone Town Council, and this show is a fundraiser for his campaign. There may also be some special musical guests joining us onstage.

Apparently not satisfied with being your general run-of-the-mill sucker for punishment, Allan wishes to take this concept to a whole new level by entering into a career of elected public service. Not only does he want to tar his good name by appearing on the same stage as us, but he also wants to tar it with the prefix “Town Council Member.”

Apparently he doesn’t have enough stress in his day-to-day life, or maybe his list of enemies is embarrassingly short. Maybe he doesn’t have anyone to argue with at his place of work.  Maybe he simply has had trouble getting run over by a bus. Whatever the reason, we are supporting Allan in his masochistic endeavor because that’s the kind of friends we are.

According to NBC, the BBC, and CNN, there are now only three candidates vying for the three open town council seats, as one of the four original candidates has dropped out of the race.  As those of you with advanced math skills have already inferred, this show will not only be a fundraiser, but a premature victory celebration. It also means that Allan’s questionable judgement in having us play his fundraiser will likely go unpunished at the polls (the campaign coffers, however, are another matter).

The only issue now is whether he will suffer a four-year or a two-year term.  The campaign also needs to raise money so there can be a proper party on election night.  And to pay for all the “Vote for Scherlen” Snuggies.

At any rate, Allan is now free to drink a few more beers than he otherwise might have, since there is not as much reason for him to maintain any sense of decorum.  (Just kidding, of course–it’s not like he was ever going to limit his beer intake for a sense of decorum.) For his own good, we will be playing a fairly long set in order to limit the candidate’s time in front of a live microphone.  As the old adage goes, “All politics is local, but only some locals are politic.”

[Note: Participation in this event is considered a civic duty under Watauga County Ordinance 4.11.839, Section 3. Local judges will be taking attendance.]

See you there!  (Or in court.)

The Worthless Son-in-Laws

Event page here.

Disclaimer:  Did we mention that this is an early show, from 7-10 PM? Since this is a non-partisan race, The Worthless Son-in-Laws will be remaining strictly non-partisan for the evening, but the next day we will go back to being socialists.  There is not actually a Watauga County Ordinance 4.11.839, and if there were, it would concern public urination. Allan, now that you are a public figure, you may not sue over the content of this blog entry [19 CFR Sec.12(d)].  Sorry about that.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws at New River Winery this Friday Sept. 9, 2011

Dear Friends,

With all the doom and gloom and earthquakes and hurricanes out there these days, we thought we’d pass along a little good news.

We recently learned that a man named John Korolo, who died in the Benin plane crash of 2005 (wait, we’re not to the good news yet), did not have a next of kin to whom he could pass on his $15,000,000 estate.  Luckily, a nice man named Mr. Gambo at the development bank in Burkina Faso has contacted us and wishes for us to act as Mr. Korolo’s next of kin, for which we will receive some 40% of his estate.  We are not sure why we were chosen for this honor–maybe Mr. Gambo really likes our music? All kidding aside, he’s probably just a really nice guy who likes doing good deeds for random strangers. Of course, we have to kick back the other 60% to him, but that’s just normal banking procedure. He promises that this transfer is risk-free, which we find highly reassuring.

If that is not enough good fortune for one week, it turns out that we have also won the “Spanish Lucky Day Lottery Internet Program” with a prize of 550,000 Euros.  We were unaware that we had even bought a Spanish lottery ticket, but it doesn’t seem polite to argue with them about it.  In the fine print of the e-mail notifying us of our win, we were happy to learn that: “The Free Lotto Awards is organized by consortium firm companies to encourage the use of the internet and promote computer literacy worldwide.” Supporting a good cause and then winning tons of euro-cash?–that’s our kind of karma!

Thanks to various other e-mails we received this week, we have also been able to secure some very good deals on medications (which will remain nameless, but let’s just say that soon after our package arrives, we will be getting pretty good at throwing a football through a tire swing).

To celebrate all our amazing good luck, this Friday evening, starting at around 9 PM, our Worthless Son-in-Law selves will be playing the New River Winery in Lansing, NC.  You can stop by after enjoying the Greater LA Festival.  There will be a $5 cover charge, which we may or may not donate to an organization promoting the use of the internet. We’re guessing there will be wine available for purchase.

We hope to see you there.

Your pals,
The Worthless Son-in-Laws

The Worthless Son-in-Laws with special guest Melissa Reaves at Valle Crucis Park, Friday August 26th at 7:00 PM

Dear Friends,

O.k., we know you’re going to see Gillian Welch, but just humor us.

This Friday, August 26th, at 7:00 PM, the Worthless Son-in-Laws will be playing the annual “picnic in a thunderstorm” event at Valle Crucis Park, a special subseries of the Valle Crucis “Music in the Park” series.  This show is free and open to the unsuspecting public.

Last year at this event, we played to several intrepid picnickers huddled under the pavilion near the stage while frightened children and dogs clung to their legs, their hot dog and hamburger buns disintegrating into a paste resembling wet toilet paper.  They were not too happy about this, but they did think it was pretty cool to be able to fold potato chips in half without breaking them. Since these people have certainly learned their lesson, we will need some new blood out there this year. This is where you come in.

Yes, it may be slightly uncomfortable at the time, but you can always laugh about it later, and you’ll end up with cherished memories that will last a lifetime if you don’t subsequently do anything else very interesting, and you can pass them down to your children and grandchildren and enjoy the thought that these stories will be a key part of your family’s oral history until you realize your family fell asleep listening to you about half an hour ago.

And to really give it the hard sell, for those of you who enjoy a certain class of entertainment, we would remind you that there is pretty much no possibility of seeing anyone get struck by lightning in Farthing Auditorium.

Even if there are no lightning injuries, there will be something worth seeing.  We are pleased–nay, stoked–to announce that a special guest will join us for this performance (and we are not talking about some shirtless dude spontaneously jumping onstage to do the noodle dance). No, Boone’s own insanely talented Melissa Reaves will be sitting in with us for a few songs on violin and vocals.  We are very excited to be playing with an actual musician, which is almost as cool as seeing someone get hit by lightning.  Although she may be sorry she agreed to share the stage with us, you will not be.  Seriously, she sounds amazing.

So, good friends, we hope to see you soon.

Your pals,
The Worthless Son-in-Laws

Disclaimer:  We can take no responsibility for anyone being struck by lightning during our show.  The National Weather Service reports that you have a 1 in 10,000 chance of being struck by lightning during your lifetime.  The official odds of someone being struck during a Worthless Son-in-Laws performance is a secret closely guarded by the NWS, but an inside source who will remain unnamed told us it’s probably no more than 1 in 5.  And since we are tempting fate by rambling on about it (and will be in close proximity to a lot of electrical cords and equipment), the victim will most likely be one of the band members, which will serve us right, as some people we know have actually been hit by lightning and find the experience nothing to make light of.  FYI, the current odds of winning the NC “education” megamillions lottery are 1 in 175,711,536, and if you win, we will take responsibility for that and will expect at least a 20% cut.  If you’re not playing the lottery, you may be able to make some real cash by selling your Gillian Welch ticket.  Just please don’t sell it to Rob.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws at Boone Saloon, July 9th, 2011

Dear Friends,

A couple of us grew up in Georgia, where they used to say the only good thing about Alabama is that it keeps Mississippi farther away. And then, to pay off the karmic debt of having said it one too many times, Rob ended up living in Mississippi for a while, where they would say the only good thing about Alabama is that it keeps Mississippi farther away. (Every once in a while Rob would point out that they actually were in Mississippi, to no avail.)

Since that time, however, through various travel-related educational experiences, bribes, threats, back-room deals, and discovering that Molly Hatchet is actually from Florida, we have all been thoroughly disabused of our prejudices not only regarding Mississippi, but also its sister state, Alabama (which, incidentally, it married, but that’s another story). Anyway, we now know that, aside from a governor or ten, Alabama produces some very fine folks, some of whom are even our beloved friends and family.

Recently, some of those fine friends and families, and their friends and families, and the friends and families and neighbors of those friends and families suffered mightily in the recent tornadoes in Alabama (which, to their credit, were actually aiming for Georgia). To help these good people get back on their feet, the Boone Saloon is hosting the Tornado Relief Benefit Concert featuring Dog Tale (funk and folk rock from Asheville), our pal Jacob Turner (amazing guitarist from Greensboro), and The Worthless Son-in-Laws (budget mid-life-crisis management from Boone).

Cover is only $5, and all proceeds from the show will go to the American Red Cross Southern Tornadoes and Related Floods Fund. In addition to Alabamians, this fund also benefits residents of Mississippi, Arkansas, Kentucky, and Tennessee, but that can’t be helped.

Hope to see you there!


The Worthless Son-in-Laws

P.S. Even if you can’t make it, please help spread the word:http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=181988295192739