The Worthless Son-in-Laws at the Boone Saloon Wednesday, Sept 28, 2011–Scherlen Fundraiser

Hey, Everybody,

Let’s talk politics for a minute.

If anyone is still reading this, we’d like to let you know that the Worthless Son-in-Laws are playing at the Boone Saloon this Wednesday, September 28th, 2011, at various points between 7:00 and 10:00 PM (i.e, early!).  What does that have to do with politics, you ask?  Well, as it happens, our friend Mr. Allan Scherlen is running for Boone Town Council, and this show is a fundraiser for his campaign. There may also be some special musical guests joining us onstage.

Apparently not satisfied with being your general run-of-the-mill sucker for punishment, Allan wishes to take this concept to a whole new level by entering into a career of elected public service. Not only does he want to tar his good name by appearing on the same stage as us, but he also wants to tar it with the prefix “Town Council Member.”

Apparently he doesn’t have enough stress in his day-to-day life, or maybe his list of enemies is embarrassingly short. Maybe he doesn’t have anyone to argue with at his place of work.  Maybe he simply has had trouble getting run over by a bus. Whatever the reason, we are supporting Allan in his masochistic endeavor because that’s the kind of friends we are.

According to NBC, the BBC, and CNN, there are now only three candidates vying for the three open town council seats, as one of the four original candidates has dropped out of the race.  As those of you with advanced math skills have already inferred, this show will not only be a fundraiser, but a premature victory celebration. It also means that Allan’s questionable judgement in having us play his fundraiser will likely go unpunished at the polls (the campaign coffers, however, are another matter).

The only issue now is whether he will suffer a four-year or a two-year term.  The campaign also needs to raise money so there can be a proper party on election night.  And to pay for all the “Vote for Scherlen” Snuggies.

At any rate, Allan is now free to drink a few more beers than he otherwise might have, since there is not as much reason for him to maintain any sense of decorum.  (Just kidding, of course–it’s not like he was ever going to limit his beer intake for a sense of decorum.) For his own good, we will be playing a fairly long set in order to limit the candidate’s time in front of a live microphone.  As the old adage goes, “All politics is local, but only some locals are politic.”

[Note: Participation in this event is considered a civic duty under Watauga County Ordinance 4.11.839, Section 3. Local judges will be taking attendance.]

See you there!  (Or in court.)

Love,
The Worthless Son-in-Laws

Event page here.

Disclaimer:  Did we mention that this is an early show, from 7-10 PM? Since this is a non-partisan race, The Worthless Son-in-Laws will be remaining strictly non-partisan for the evening, but the next day we will go back to being socialists.  There is not actually a Watauga County Ordinance 4.11.839, and if there were, it would concern public urination. Allan, now that you are a public figure, you may not sue over the content of this blog entry [19 CFR Sec.12(d)].  Sorry about that.

The Worthless Son-in-Laws at New River Winery this Friday Sept. 9, 2011

Dear Friends,

With all the doom and gloom and earthquakes and hurricanes out there these days, we thought we’d pass along a little good news.

We recently learned that a man named John Korolo, who died in the Benin plane crash of 2005 (wait, we’re not to the good news yet), did not have a next of kin to whom he could pass on his $15,000,000 estate.  Luckily, a nice man named Mr. Gambo at the development bank in Burkina Faso has contacted us and wishes for us to act as Mr. Korolo’s next of kin, for which we will receive some 40% of his estate.  We are not sure why we were chosen for this honor–maybe Mr. Gambo really likes our music? All kidding aside, he’s probably just a really nice guy who likes doing good deeds for random strangers. Of course, we have to kick back the other 60% to him, but that’s just normal banking procedure. He promises that this transfer is risk-free, which we find highly reassuring.

If that is not enough good fortune for one week, it turns out that we have also won the “Spanish Lucky Day Lottery Internet Program” with a prize of 550,000 Euros.  We were unaware that we had even bought a Spanish lottery ticket, but it doesn’t seem polite to argue with them about it.  In the fine print of the e-mail notifying us of our win, we were happy to learn that: “The Free Lotto Awards is organized by consortium firm companies to encourage the use of the internet and promote computer literacy worldwide.” Supporting a good cause and then winning tons of euro-cash?–that’s our kind of karma!

Thanks to various other e-mails we received this week, we have also been able to secure some very good deals on medications (which will remain nameless, but let’s just say that soon after our package arrives, we will be getting pretty good at throwing a football through a tire swing).

To celebrate all our amazing good luck, this Friday evening, starting at around 9 PM, our Worthless Son-in-Law selves will be playing the New River Winery in Lansing, NC.  You can stop by after enjoying the Greater LA Festival.  There will be a $5 cover charge, which we may or may not donate to an organization promoting the use of the internet. We’re guessing there will be wine available for purchase.

We hope to see you there.

Your pals,
The Worthless Son-in-Laws