Wanna buy a Rolex?
A lightly-used Velveeta sandwich? A dodecahedral hamster-house? Carob-covered junebugs? (They’re organic!)
Then how’s about an advance copy of the Worthless Son-in-Laws’ new album, Dodecahedral Hamster-House?
We are in the process of mastering our new album, which actually is called No. 8 Wire. It has 12 relatively new and original songs, none of which are about hamsters or junebugs and which hopefully contain only a minimal amount of used Velveeta. The songs were all recorded and mixed at the Fidelitorium in Kernersville, NC, with producer, engineering wizard, guitar god, musical hero, and all-around great guy, Mitch Easter.
For those of you who don’t know who Mitch Easter is, he was in the band Let’s Active during the 80’s and 90’s, and he was producer/engineer for R.E.M.’s first few records, as well as the records of many other semi-famous bands. And if you have not heard Let’s Active’s records or R.E.M.’s first few records, your musical education is embarrassingly incomplete, in our record-store-clerk-like opinion.
Oddly enough, as it turns out, recording a real album in a professional studio with a professional engineer is kind of on the pricey side. And the fact that we have actually done this should give you an idea either of how serious we are about doing things right or how poorly we handle our finances.
Which brings us to a good way to mishandle some of your own finances…
If you are still reading this, we are offering those interested an opportunity (hereby taking advantage of the ever-expanding definition of the word “opportunity”) to purchase this album in advance. See, we have gone slightly over-budget on the recording phase of the record, and we’d love to scare up a bit of cash to finish up the process and get it released. A few advance sales could really make a difference. And we promise not to let Dave spend said cash on a bulk order of Brylcreem, like last time. He did get a good deal for three pallets on e-bay, and his house and the houses next door are now oddly free of vermin (and free of neighbors), but still…
And Just for comparison, our budget is only about 1/2600th what Axl Rose reportedly spent recording Chinese Democracy. Of course, logically, one could argue that our record may then be only 1/2600th as good as Chinese Democracy, but if that’s the case, we might win a Nobel Prize for creating the qualitative equivalent of the Higgs Boson.
We are in fact very pleased with the recording, which we feel has been well worth the extra time and expense. We think it turned out so well you may not even be sure it is actually us. To be honest, we’re not even sure it’s actually us–it is entirely possible we got someone else’s recording by mistake; but it’s too late now, so we’re running with it.
So, here’s how it works: We have a page at soninlaws.bandcamp.com. You can use Paypal or pretty much any old credit card (paypal account not necessary). And it’s safe and secure (as long as Dave is not looking over your shoulder). We are asking $7+ for a download and $10+ for a CD plus a couple bucks for postage and manhandling. The plus signs mean you can pay more than the suggested amounts, if you a) are willing to pay more for a quality product, b) believe in karma, c) feel sorry for our moms, d) are Warren Buffett, e) are not Axl Rose, or f) all of the above.
We might also throw in some stickers with the physical CD, if we get them printed in time. Be sure to leave your address if you are buying a physical copy of the CD (and not just doing it to be nice). Physical CD purchasers will also get a free download of the album.
When you complete your pre-order, you will be able to stream or download a selected track (“New York Times”) from the album, with the rest of the album available for download on or before August 1st.
There is, of course, no obligation, but remember: every copy you buy means one less copy our poor mothers have to buy, and more room in Rich’s basement for his hoard of New Coke.
Here is the link:
Seriously, we are so grateful to you for being our friend over the years, and we appreciate your support immensely.
The Worthless Son-in-Laws