The Worthless Son-in-Laws at New River Winery this Friday Sept. 9, 2011

Dear Friends,

With all the doom and gloom and earthquakes and hurricanes out there these days, we thought we’d pass along a little good news.

We recently learned that a man named John Korolo, who died in the Benin plane crash of 2005 (wait, we’re not to the good news yet), did not have a next of kin to whom he could pass on his $15,000,000 estate.  Luckily, a nice man named Mr. Gambo at the development bank in Burkina Faso has contacted us and wishes for us to act as Mr. Korolo’s next of kin, for which we will receive some 40% of his estate.  We are not sure why we were chosen for this honor–maybe Mr. Gambo really likes our music? All kidding aside, he’s probably just a really nice guy who likes doing good deeds for random strangers. Of course, we have to kick back the other 60% to him, but that’s just normal banking procedure. He promises that this transfer is risk-free, which we find highly reassuring.

If that is not enough good fortune for one week, it turns out that we have also won the “Spanish Lucky Day Lottery Internet Program” with a prize of 550,000 Euros.  We were unaware that we had even bought a Spanish lottery ticket, but it doesn’t seem polite to argue with them about it.  In the fine print of the e-mail notifying us of our win, we were happy to learn that: “The Free Lotto Awards is organized by consortium firm companies to encourage the use of the internet and promote computer literacy worldwide.” Supporting a good cause and then winning tons of euro-cash?–that’s our kind of karma!

Thanks to various other e-mails we received this week, we have also been able to secure some very good deals on medications (which will remain nameless, but let’s just say that soon after our package arrives, we will be getting pretty good at throwing a football through a tire swing).

To celebrate all our amazing good luck, this Friday evening, starting at around 9 PM, our Worthless Son-in-Law selves will be playing the New River Winery in Lansing, NC.  You can stop by after enjoying the Greater LA Festival.  There will be a $5 cover charge, which we may or may not donate to an organization promoting the use of the internet. We’re guessing there will be wine available for purchase.

We hope to see you there.

Your pals,
The Worthless Son-in-Laws

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